One of the most difficult lessons we learn in life is that we cannot hold on to anger, resentment and negative feelings without causing ourselves harm.

It is important for our own health and peace of mind that we are able to forgive real and perceived wrongs that have been perpetrated upon us.

It is almost counter intuitive to forgive someone who has slighted, wronged or caused us harm. We may not only wish to see them punished for their wrongdoing, but we may continually think of ways of making them suffer for what they have done to us.

However, holding on to anger and the need to make others suffer or to wish them harm only causes us a greater harm in the long run.

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.

Nelson Mandela

Remembering and recounting how someone has wronged us brings the emotions associated with the wrong back. So, even though the event itself is in the past, the emotions and feelings associated with it are kept in the present.

Anger is an emotion that has a very specific purpose – to help us to survive in a life and death situation by flooding the body with adrenaline and cortisol, speeding up the heart, pumping blood to the larger muscles and directing it away from the digestive system.

Our body is being prepared to defend itself against a real threat. But in the modern world, these life and death situations occur relatively infrequently. Yet, we still get angry, have resentment and suppressed rage towards others and therefore still experience the same release of stress hormones into the body.

Over time, these hormones and the effects they have on our bodies can lead to long term health issues, including stress related illnesses, heart and cardiovascular system issues.

They also have a direct impact on our psyche and attitudes to the world at large. If we are someone who holds onto resentment, we will find plenty of things to resent and that make us angry.

Hatred hurts the hater. Anger, resentment and suppressed rage are ultimately self destructive if not dealt with.

Forgiveness is therefore important for our health and well being. The sooner we can forgive, the less chance there is for it to begin to have a debilitating effect on our health.

This is also why it is essential for us to learn to forgive ourselves. Anger, resentment, guilt, self hatred turned inwards will cause us great suffering over time – physical, emotional and spiritual.

It is perhaps more difficult for some of us to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others – but it is no less important an act for our long term health.

Forgiving others the wrongs they have  done to us is not the same as condoning or pardoning their actions. It is a letting go inside of us, so that we do not carry it with us through life and can move on in peace.

Having a regular meditation practice can help with the release of negative emotions such as anger and resentment, as we learn to control or be aware of the thoughts in our mind.

This can be as simple as sitting in silence for 20 minutes a day and watching our thoughts arise and subside, without following them or hanging on to them.

Thoughts create emotions as they pass through our mind – and if we are aware of our negative thoughts, we can release them before they have the chance to take root and do us harm.

Awareness brings choice – we can notice the negative thought patterns, the unresolved anger, the resentment – and choose to let them go, for our own good.

By learning to forgive (both ourselves and others) we become stronger, we move away from being one of life’s victims to living a more peaceful and healthy existence.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi