Habit

Posted on March 6, 2015 by Nick Cork

What we think and believe is very powerful – our thoughts create our experience and reality.

Everything that we think contributes towards the reality that we experience on a daily basis.

It is therefore vital that we remain vigilant of our habitual thoughts and try not to succumb to the habit of negative thinking or limiting beliefs.

Most of us at some point have at least considered that we are not good enough.

This thinking is not objective at all though.

It is our subjective, habitual fears playing out in our heads – often accompanied by that incessant mind chatter that keeps us awake at 3AM in a blind panic – ‘everything is going to go wrong and it’s all my fault’.

The more we succumb to these thoughts and allow them to have power over us, the more our outer lives will reflect the fears we have carried with us through life.

Our outer experience is a mirror of our inner habitual thought patterns.

If we constantly tell ourselves that we are too stupid to get that dream job, we won’t get it.

We will make silly mistakes or blurt out something inappropriate in the interview and that will be the end of it.

Our perception of our own inadequacy will become our reality because we expect it to.

Fortunately for us, the opposite is also true.

If we truly believe that we are worthy and capable, we will be more successful, confident and happy.

Because life is changing all the time – no two moments are exactly the same – we are presented with a glorious opportunity every moment of every day.

At any time, we can change what we get out of life by changing what we put into it.

This is very freeing once we know it at a deep level.

We can learn to choose only those thoughts that support and encourage us to do our best.

We can dissolve and forget the thoughts that hold us back.

We can make those changes instantly, any second of any day – all it takes is awareness of the thoughts that are going around our heads and the discipline to change those thoughts to ones that support us.

So, how do we achieve the level of consciousness that is required to catch our thoughts as they are happening?

How do we replace unhelpful mental habits with supportive, empowering ones.

There are a number of techniques that can work – such as sitting in quiet contemplation, watching the thoughts as they arise and choosing to let the unhelpful ones go.

Practicing being aware of our thoughts will help to make us more conscious of what we are constantly telling ourselves.

Something that worked for me is to decide to do things with ‘the wrong hand’.

For example, try stirring a drink with a spoon using the hand that you don’t normally use – it feels ‘weird’ and you will almost have to consciously teach your hand to make the circling motion from scratch.

There are hundreds of opportunities to do this every day: we can use the wrong hand to do almost everything – using the mouse, holding our toothbrush, picking up drinks, shaving, throwing, eating cake – anything.

Habit is the death of creativity, so if we want to create a new mental perspective on life, we have to be aware of the limiting mental habits that we have.

Do you always say ‘no’ when asked if you want something?

Try saying ‘yes’ instead.

If you catch yourself saying no, correct it by adding – ‘you know what, I think I will have that after all, thanks’.

Learning to say yes to life can be tremendously liberating and itself opens up many new possibilities.

By retraining our mind to say yes more often, we will bring more variety into our lives, feel more connected to life and become more fulfilled.

If we are going to be stuck with mental habits, it makes sense to make them supportive ones.

 

 

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Wheels

Posted on March 3, 2015 by Nick Cork

It is very tempting once we have put our plans into operation to return to them incessantly and make changes or amendments unnecessarily.

However, meddling with something once it has started can have disastrous or unforeseen consequences.

Of course, there are times when a little intervention may be necessary (for example, to remove an obstacle or blockage) but, essentially, if we have planned thoroughly and put the plans into action effectively, the best option is to let go and trust.

Learning when to let go and when to intervene is born from experience and discipline.

More often than not, letting go is always the right thing to do.

There may be times when we think we need to make an adjustment, but if we hold off for a while we will soon see that this is not necessary.

It can be likened to rolling a wheel down a hill.

All the hard work is done in getting the wheel up the hill in the first place.

Making sure the wheel is properly configured (round) and the tires are fully inflated is all taken care of in advance of launching it down the hill.

As we stand at the summit, ready to launch the wheel down the hill, there is a moment of excitement and nervousness – will it complete its task safely or will it crash?

Once we let go and watch the wheel rolling away from us, we may feel the urge to run alongside it and make adjustments.

It takes discipline at this stage to not interfere.

Touching a wheel that is in motion and accelerating could have negative consequences.

We may knock it off course completely, slow it down or get our fingers trapped.

Only rarely will intervening once the process has started have beneficial consequences.

Of course, we should keep our eye on it as it rolls along, ready to step in if absolutely necessary – if it hits a rock and bounces off course completely, or comes to a halt in some long grass.

But once the wheel is set in motion, observation and letting it run its course without interference will invariably allow it to achieve what you set out to do when making your plans in the first place…

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Clouds

Posted on February 14, 2015 by Nick Cork

We all know people who unfailingly seem to see the worst in any situation.

Before you’ve even finished telling them that you are expecting your first child, they will launch into a story about someone who lost their first baby in a freak accident.

Or they will point out where you are going wrong with everything you thought you were pretty good at in life.

Every office has a cloud person – the one who walks into a room and immediately turns the atmosphere heavy and dark.

When these people are also our relatives or partners, it can be even worse.

Their view of the world is clouded by the pessimism within them and they see everything through this cloudy vision.

Life becomes ‘difficult’ constantly, everything is a ‘struggle’, other people are ‘awkward’ or ‘idiots’ and they seem to be able to stifle your naturally sunny personality with one withering look or gesture.

Cloud people are to be avoided or dealt with as little as possible if we are to retain our sanity.

They devote a lot of time and energy trying to convince all around them that they are right.

They will sap our energy and shrink our spirit if we let them.

If part of our family, they will infect the whole household with their warped and negative view of the world.

Even if we do not succumb to seeing the world through their cloud covered eyes, we will expend a lot of energy trying to keep from doing so.

These people tend to be very forceful in their opinions as they are desperate for others to see the world from their perspective as well.

We often don’t realise just how much their negativity affects us until we are away from their influence.

Only time and distance can allow our own blue skies to return and the sun to shine fully again from our eyes.

 

 

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Cake

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Nick Cork

It is very tempting when things ‘go wrong’ in our lives to blame someone or something outside of us.

The bankers/government/multinationals etc are responsible for the economic uncertainty most of us face.

He made me feel uncomfortable by forcefully stating an opinion contrary to mine.

She makes me feel unloved by not tending to my every need.

However, if we take the time to think about it rationally and reflect quietly, we will see that nothing that happens in the outside world can affect us unless we let it.

If our lives have ‘gone wrong’ it is because we have allowed it to happen, illness and accidents excepted of course (although there is increasing evidence that our outlook and moods can affect our health).

If we choose to be upset because someone hasn’t shown us due consideration we will be upset and we will probably justify this to ourselves by laying the blame for our bad mood at the feet of the inconsiderate person who we let upset us.

If we choose to respond to rudeness or challenge in a different manner, however, we can very easily override any feelings of anger, discomfort and miserableness, thereby maintaining a positive and even outlook.

We tend to notice in the world that which supports our chosen world view.

If we are generally a ‘glass half empty’ person, we will point to all the wars, starvation, crime, suffering and deprivation in the world and say that the world is a hostile, loveless place where it’s dog eat dog and only the toughest will survive.

The opposite view point, however, will be equally true to someone who sees the good in others and views life’s ups and downs as exciting challenges or puzzles to solve.

By attempting to remain conscious as much as possible, we can remember that it is not the outside world that creates problems for us, it is us who creates problems for ourselves, whilst blaming the outside world in order to relieve ourselves of the responsibility of doing something about it.

Being conscious changes our perspective and moves our awareness to a higher plane, from which we can see that our unhappiness actually springs from within.

We don’t remove the ‘problem’ as such, we just alter our perspective such that we realise that there is no problem any more.

Whatever will happen, will happen.

It is how we react that will determine whether we will be happy or miserable in life.

This is great news for those of us who have struggled with feelings of helplessness and gloom.

We don’t have to feel that way if we can remember to choose not to.

Part of this will entail developing different habits in certain situations – ie not succumbing to fear and the ‘fight or flight’ reflex which cause us to react in a negative way to outside events.

Also, a regular meditation or contemplation regime will help us to still the mind and allow calm to permeate when we need it to.

Stopping the negative chatter that fills our minds all day is not easy, but by trying to be aware of it on a daily basis, we can gradually head off negative mind tricks as they are popping up into our heads.

Striving to be more conscious of ourselves, how our minds work, the repetitive words and phrases that we say over and over to ourselves on a minute by minute basis will allow us to spot these moments before they arise fully and recognise them for what they are – habitual limiting beliefs.

What we are striving to do is to interrupt the negative thought patterns before they have a chance to take hold of us and drag us down to the bottom of the pond where we will most likely end up in a very sticky tangle.

Everything we need to be happy is already within us.

On the surface, this sounds counter intuitive – but, if we stop and sit quietly for a few moments and recognise the truth of this sentence, it can be very liberating.

No longer will we need to be victims of other people’s opinions and harsh words.

No longer will we sit watching the news, moaning about the state of the country or the world.

No longer will we wish that we could win the lottery just so that we could ‘be happy’ – if you are not happy before you win the lottery, you will just become a miserable rich person.

No longer will we complain about other people who seem to have it all their own way in the world – if we had their luck, we’d be wealthy and happy too…

Instead we will take responsibility for our own happiness and success in life.

We will understand that no matter what happens in the outside world, true happiness lies in the inner world – and it is available to any of us, at any time.

We have been given exactly what we need in order to lead a healthy and happy life.

But we need to take the right actions ourselves to ensure that we create the life that we want to lead.

The Universe has given us the ingredients, but it is still up to us to bake the cake…

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Light

Posted on February 6, 2015 by Nick Cork

It’s easy when we hear about one group of humans inflicting severe suffering and death on another to feel anger and revulsion – particularly when the act is described or shown in graphic and gory detail by the media.

We see our leaders promise swift and bloody revenge and watch as planes are sent to bomb foreign lands in the vain hope that this will teach them a lesson and they’ll stop being evil.

This simplistic, almost childish approach is supported through media outlets issuing headlines and rallying calls designed to stir up yet more hatred and anger, as if ridding the world of hatred and violence is as simple as ensuring that the response is demonstrating a greater capacity for hatred or more effective violence.

It is a singularly unevolved and primitive approach to the “terror” problem, which has seemingly become more widespread and more intrusive since war was declared on it following the September 11th attacks in 2001.

All the bombs dropped, ”enemy combatants” killed, innocent “collateral damage” sustained, countries invaded and money spent on “fighting evil” does not seem to have dented the capacity for some groups of humans to perform evil acts upon others.

All that the ”war on terror” seems to have achieved so far is to create more terror – it is a war without end, no definable goals in sight, no point at which those involved could stop and point to a victory.

Evil acts are countered by equally evil acts. Violence is met with more violence, each side determined to keep going at all costs.

We are witnessing the stark reality that if everyone takes the approach of “an eye for an eye”, the whole world will end up blind.

Hatred will not be overcome with hatred.

Darkness cannot be dispelled by more darkness.

Anger merely begets more anger.

No negative emotion or behaviour can ever be overcome by turning that same emotion or behaviour against itself as a cure.

Try it next time you are with someone who has lost it and become very angry.

Try shouting at them and being even more angry than they are in a bid to calm them down and help them to see the error of their ways.

It cannot and will not work.

It takes light to dispel the darkness.

It takes patience and calm to best deal with anger.

It takes sustained unconditional love to ultimately triumph over hatred.

The only effective and lasting path to restoring the light to the world is through more and more people showing calm, patience, compassion and unconditional love in their dealings with others on a daily basis.

 

 

 

 

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Butterfly

Posted on February 5, 2015 by Nick Cork

Change is constant in life and it is something that many of us both fear and try to avoid at all costs.

We create elaborate self-deceptions to convince ourselves that we do not need to change or that we can avoid the pain and discomfort of the change during the process itself.

The result of this is that we often restrict our potential by refusing to seek out or embrace opportunities because they may involve significant changes having to be made to our current circumstances.

It is very often incredibly difficult to see how the proposed or anticipated change will have a beneficial effect on our life, as we are so committed or used to our present ‘normal’ situation that we just can’t visualise the ‘new normal’ ahead of us.

I often wonder how the caterpillar would feel if it were aware that it has always had within it the capacity to be a butterfly.

All it needs is the right circumstances and sufficient time to allow the process to run its course.

If the caterpillar were to avoid the pain of the change process – during which it is annihilated as a caterpillar and reborn as something far more ephemeral and beautiful – it would never know the joy of being a butterfly.

Few changes we are ever likely to face in life will be as dramatic as that of the caterpillar.

Yet, if we view change as an act of creation and not as an inconvenience or something to be feared, we always have the potential to experience something of the wonder of the caterpillar as it emerges from the cocoon, stretches its wings and lifts itself into the air.

Butterfly

 

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Hills

Posted on January 29, 2015 by Nick Cork

As someone who spends a lot of time running and thinking (often at the same time), there are certain connections that can be made between running and life in general.

One of these is that the closer you get to the top of the hill, the steeper the hill feels.

A consequence of this is that you need to put in more effort at this stage in order to reach your goal.

It would be easy to stop at this point and turn back, thinking that the effort of those final few metres is just too much.

Those who turn back whilst still on the climb up the hill, do not have the benefit of looking around and enjoying the view as they are immediately moving back the way they came.

For those who press on and put in that final effort, the reward is that from the top of the hill, everything looks different.

No more are you bent forward in effort, looking at the ground most of the time or glancing ahead of you at the distant peak.

Once at the top of the hill, you can stop, breathe and look around.

All that you left behind when you began your climb now seems so small and insignificant.

You can see much further in every direction, as the slope of the hill is no longer obscuring your vision.

The effort that was expended in climbing the hill is soon forgotten as you enjoy the ecstasy of achievement and release from struggle.

Your heartbeat returns to a slower, more regular rhythm.

Your breathing becomes more measured and deep.

You feel calm, focused, more expansive, peaceful.

You have the option of returning the way you came or following one of the other routes that you can now see from the top that weren’t visible when you were running up.

Every time we reach the top of the hill, we realise that the effort in getting there was very much worth it.

Our perspective is different and we have more choice.

For all of us running up our hills, the important thing is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not give up.

Focus on reaching the summit and not on the pain of effort it takes in getting there.

Remember that when you find the effort almost too much and feel that it is becoming more and more difficult to keep going, one last big effort could be all it takes to reach your goal.

For once at the top of the hill, the pain of reaching it soon fades and is replaced with the euphoria and satisfaction of achievement.

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Superstar…

Posted on January 17, 2015 by Nick Cork

How we see the world very much depends on what we expect to see.

If we are a glass half empty type, we will notice all the wrongs and injustices in the world, how ‘people like us’ never seem to get a break, how all the luck seems to go to those who don’t deserve it – and we spend our lives helplessly chasing that elusive something that will change it all and give us the break we feel we deserve.

We can be envious or jealous of others, hoping that they fail so that we can feel better about ourselves.

For the glass half full types, life is an adventure that brings us challenges to meet, but that also provides us with the tools to meet those challenges – we notice opportunities to test ourselves and rise above the situation, learning and growing as we do so.

We are not driven by a sense of lacking anything, but by a desire to experience the good things that life has to offer and a knowing that if we use our skills wisely, we will surely succeed.

We wish success for others and seek ways in which we can help others to achieve their desires as well.

For a long time, I was a glass half empty type and life duly rewarded me with a half empty glass.

However, over time I slowly changed my thinking and began to see the world as full of opportunities with all possibilities open to me – and people to support me in realising those opportunities.

It didn’t come naturally to me, I have to admit. It took a long time to see any changes and there are still moments when the old programming gets the better of me.

But, with the help of a beautiful person (with a Little B), those half empty moments are becoming less frequent and life is much more rewarding for it.

When things feel difficult, it helps to think of others and notice that life is not easy for anyone – if we can help someone else to feel better about themselves, it is amazing how this makes us feel better about ourselves too.

For most of us, it will require a conscious decision to act in a better way in order to begin to see the world in a different and more supportive way.

We may feel that we are only small nobodies, who cannot make a difference to anything – but this is not so.

We all have the potential to change our lives and the lives of those we come into contact with.

By taking time to connect with others, helping when we can – a kind word or deed goes a long way in a world that can seem distant and uncaring – anyone can feel like a Superstar.

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Tomorrow

Posted on January 5, 2015 by Nick Cork

We are taught from an early age that we are separate from everyone and everything around us.
We develop an ego, which reinforces this separateness and sets us against each other in competition and conflict.
Not just with other humans, but with the other inhabitants of our planet and even the planet itself.
This idea of separation, however, only serves to reinforce a collective lack of responsibility for our actions.
By seeing everything as separate, we can more easily pigeon hole things and deny that anything we do can have an impact on them.
Tragedies are somehow not as bad if no-one from our country has been involved in them.
We divide the world up into good or bad, friend or foe – all the time making snap judgements about people and events based on their percieved value to us.
Taken to its natural conclusion, there would be no need for compassion or love in this world.
Yet we all need to feel loved and we all are capable of giving love and showing compassion, whether we want to admit this or not.
In order to receive love, we need to be able to give it freely.
The world is as we believe it to be. If we wish the world to be a better, more loving place then it is up to us to treat others with compassion and understanding.
At our very basic level, we are all connected to everything that exists – the field of quantum physics has demonstrated this over many years.
This effectively means that what we do to others will eventually come back to us. If we treat others with love, respect and compassion we will invariably receive that in return.
If we see others as the enemy and try to control or destroy them, we will only end up harming ourselves in the long run.
Change does not come from behaving worse than those that seek to do us harm.
The world will not be a better place if we meet violence with violence, anger with anger and hatred with hatred.
It takes discipline to implement real change in our lives.
Real change only comes from doing things differently and choosing to act with compassion and love for all things, remembering that we are all connected and what we do to others today will come back to us tomorrow.

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Patience

Posted on December 27, 2014 by Nick Cork

There are times when it seems that our plans and dreams are never going to materialise as we would have hoped.

Our lives can become stuck occassionally and we appear to be in a holding pattern, like planes during a storm at an airport – circling continuously, knowing that we only have enough fuel for a while longer, but relying on other people to clear the blockages.

At times like this, it is easy to get into a state and start to panic, to make a grab for the controls or run around shouting that everything’s gone wrong and we’re all going to die…

But this is the time when it is even more important to remain calm and restrained.

The more stressful a situation, the more crucial it is to be relaxed and disciplined.

When our welfare is in the hands of others, we need to trust them and step back to allow them to do what they need to do.

If we are not in control of the situation, there is nothing that we can do to change the outcome positively.

However, by interfering or trying to take control of a situation that we cannot control, we will only make things worse.

Knowing when we can intervene and when we should just sit tight and let things unfold is the beginning of wisdom.

It takes discipline to refrain from jumping into every situation and making it worse by stressing and creating panic.

Having faith and trusting in those around you is essential for good team work – whether at work or in relationships.

Being patient and supportive in situations that we cannot control is just as important as taking decisive action in situations that we are in control of.

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